The Week after Christmas

It's a week after Christmas,
I'm crabby and I'm broke.
I'm so full of ham and fruitcake,
I think I'm gonna croak!

It's nice to see the relatives.
I wonder when they'll leave?
They've been camping in my bathroom
since early Christmas Eve.

They're eating everything in sight
and sleeping in my bed.
I been sacked out in the basement
with my old beagle Fred.

The relatives have all gone out
and left their screaming brats.
The toilet bowl is all plugged up
and I can't find the cat!

It's Christmastime at my house,
the relatives are here.
They eat me out of house and home
and drink up all my beer.

I love the decorations
and the sleigh bells in the snow,
But I wish those pesky relatives
would take their kids and go!

Those cookie crunchers fed the dog
a twenty pound rib roast.
His feet are sticking in the air
like skinny old fence posts.

Now they're in a free-for-all
the girls against the boys.
They're fighting over boxes
'cause they're bored with all their toys.

My mother-in-law is snoring
in my favorite TV chair.
Those kids are stringing lights on her
and tinseling her hair.

I oughta wake her up
before the fireworks begin,
But I wanna see those blue sparks fly
when they plug her in!

I love the decorations
and the sleigh bells in the snow,
But I wish those pesky relatives
would take their kids and go!