Oh! The Pain! or Lament from the Gym
(can be sung to the tune of "Sunrise, Sunset")
by Amy Kenneley

Where is the gym bag that I carried?
Where is the team we used to play?
I've brought Ace bandages and aspirin-
and Ben-Gay!

I've lost the urge to charge at free throws,
skinned knees and bumps is what you get,
I'm not Shaquille, folks, so then why not-
lower the net?

Chorus: Sit-up, toe touch,
callis-the-nics-these I used to know;
One fad keeps following another,
keeping this fit can cost you dough!

I've got the yoga pants from Macy's
I've got the special running shoes,
I've spent so much on my accessories,
I can't pay gym dues…

Here I am puffing after Zumba,
Please check my pulse, but have a care:
afterburn's gonna click in shortly-
Please, the derriere!

Chorus: Left foot, bend down,
right foot, turn 'round,
Tell me, BMI:
I'd be on track if I were only…
8 feet high!

Sunrise, Sunset,
we run, we sweat,
never looking back
keeping us curvey and a size 4,
sporting a muscular 6-pack!