Advice from Dear Webby
Marriage the Second Time Around

Dear Webby,

I met a kind and gentle man 4 months ago. He has asked me to marry him, he is 73 and I am 75 yrs old. My children are furious. What should I do!

Signed: Second-time Around

Dear Second-time Around,

Only you can decide on such an important step. But have you asked yourself why you want to marry him, and why does he want to marry you? (Not to say that you are not charming, lovely and precious).

Isn't 4 months a little soon for such a dramatic change? Ask yourself the following questions to see if this is the right move. Does he need a caretaker? Is he healthy? Is he financially sound? Does he expect you to make his favorite meals just like his first wife did? Will you have to do his laundry and clean up after him?

I am not trying to be negative but sometimes when our eyes are clouded with stars, we don't see the mundane. Could you go through the death of another husband?

What do your friends think of him? Does he have children? How do you get along with them? How does he feel about your family?

Why are your children furious? How close are you to your children emotionally - do you live with or near them? How often do you see them and your grandchildren? Will your relationships with your family change if you go through with this? Is that something you are willing to risk?

What about the living situation. Your place or his? How will you settle financial issues?

Try to look at it from all points of view. The final decision must be yours of course. If you do decide to marry make sure all legal issues are settled first - new wills, insurance, deeds, etc. You should each see your own lawyer first for your sake and his. (Not to mention the children)

If you ask yourself these questions and still want to do it, go for it. It's your life, and as the saying goes you only have one life to live.

To some, wedding bells can be an exciting new beginning, to others Hell.

Good luck,