Joke of the Week
Thanks for the E-mails

Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important emails in the past year! It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!

Because of all of you:

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because they cause cancer.

I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, for fear that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody, for fear that someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. That poor sick girl that was about to die in the hospital. Funny thing, she never seems to get any older.

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made, expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.

It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.

But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don't send a link to this page to at least 1200 people in the next ten seconds, a bird will mess on you today at 7:00.

Garrison Keillor's Plenty of Pretty Good Jokes (Prairie Home Companion)

Jay Leno's How to Be the Funniest Kid in the Whole Wide World (or Just in Your Class)

The Greatest Joke Book Ever

The 901 Best Jokes There Ever Was : (Plus Quite a Few Second Best)