"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in reply
Have a funny bone? Need a laugh?
Try these books:
Garrison Keillor's Plenty of Pretty Good Jokes (Prairie Home Companion)
Jay Leno's How to Be the Funniest Kid in the Whole Wide World (or Just in Your Class)
The Greatest Joke Book Ever
The 901 Best Jokes There Ever Was : (Plus Quite a Few Second Best)
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